From Bill Brownstein’s article in The Montreal Gazette, July 18, 2008

So you thought the ageless Joan Rivers was in fine form at the opening gala at Théâtre St. Denis on Wednesday night. … Well, she must have had energy to spare. Either that, or she was fuelled by her first experience with Montreal smoked meat.
Rivers held court at Schwartz’s following the gala. Surrounded by friends from the biz, a couple of media interlopers and Schwartz’s boss Hy Diamond, Rivers regaled all with hilarious tales relating to the storage of ashes of deceased loved ones, including dogs, taking up nearly all her cupboard space to her exploits on Celebrity Family Feud, wherein the Rivers clan battled the Wayne Newton brood. She also tried to show compassion to members of Overeaters Anonymous: “Who are they trying to kid? Anonymous? Their rallying cry is Save the Whales … for breakfast.”

Tourists caught in the middle started clicking photos with their cellphone cameras. Almost lost in the shuffle – and no doubt grateful for that – was ex-federal foreign affairs minister Maxime Bernier, chowing down on a sandwich at the counter with an engaging female companion – not Julie Couillard, the woman with the uninvestigated past who created a furor after reporting he left secret intelligence papers at her home.

Bernier did come over to the table, between bites, to ask Kevin Tierney – a film producer when not part of the crack Gazette comedy-critic panel – if he’d be interested in making a movie, from Bernier’s and not Couillard’s point of view. Bernier was then introduced to Rivers, who, no doubt, will incorporate the Bernier/Couillard affair into her act – the next time she comes to Canada.

Incidentally, the only thing Bernier left behind at Schwartz’s was a tip, of the monetary – not of the dangers of politics – variety.

I was wandering up and down St. Lawrence on the Grand Prix weekend, I decided to drop into Schwartz’s because it has been SO long since I ate there. I went inside despite the tent they had set up outside, which would be cooler….but there’s just something about the atmosphere inside! I sat a table with a young couple from Baie Comeau, Quebec. They only make the 8 hour drive up river to Montreal once a year at the most, and of course, one of the things they have to do is eat at Schwartz’s. We had a nice chat, but then they decided to leave. They didn’t know that Schwartz’s only took cash…no problem, there’s a ATM across the street and one block down….except his card didn’t work. He went to another machine and it didn’t work. To make a long story short, the guys at Schwartz’s were very understanding. With a guarantee of his driver’s license, they allowed him to come back the next day and pay.

As for me, the waiter brought my fries and drink but never my sandwich. When I had finished all my fries I inquired….the waiter was super apologetic and gave me another fries and a pickle for free to make up for it.

For details on the DVD, check the web site www.chezschwartzfilm.com

C’est vendredi après-midi…time for Schwartz’s. The jazz festival started yesterday. The line is half a block long. The sun is hot. The noise from the construction is overwhelming. I stood in line with a couple from Switzerland. It will be their first time to eat Schwartz’s smoked meat before they fly home to Geneva tomorrow.

Finally after a 40 minute wait, I got in. Since it was so crowded, I had to talk the waiter into giving me a place at a table. I sat with three lovely people from Victoriaville, Québec. They were proud of their city but enjoy a foray into the big city of Montreal from time to time.

I was able to talk with Alex again about possible publication of his Schwartz Poetry. If you are connected in the local publication scene, let me know. I would love to see some of his 900 poems published!

Last week I stood in line with a university student. I thought he was a tourist because of the guide book in his hand…but it wasn’t a tourist book for Quebec but for Thailand. He was planning his trip which was a few weeks away.  The middle age women behind me with the colorful glasses said she comes to Schwartz’s once a year to buy the spices…and of course she stays to eat smoked meat, of course.

The conversation at the table was not very exciting…deux quebecois qui parlaient sans cesser sur les affairs…and a bit more interesting….a middle age mother and her high school age son….but here’s the interesting part…he’ goes to boarding school in New England. She seemed to be the principle of a Montreal Cegeg (Jr College). She seemed to be lowering herself to accompany her son to his favorite Montreal restaurant. All that just to say all types eat at Schwartz’s.

I wandered over to Schwartz’s on Friday just after my visit to the dentist. To my surprise, one of the waiters recognized me as I walked in the door. He spread out his welcoming arms saying aloud…”Schwartz Stories dot com!” Wow, this just made my day.  He sat me at a table with 3 people from Colombia. Two of them live here and the other was visiting, all were experiencing Schwartz’s smoked meat for the first time. With my really bad mixture of Spanish, French and English I helped them navigate the menu to find the classic medium smoked meat sandwich.

I didn’t have much time to hang around and butcher the Spanish language, being already late for my rendez-vous avec Joseph. But as I was standing in line to pay, a couple at the table near the caisse engaged me in a conversation. Turns out they are annual visitors to Montreal from New Jersey and Schwartz’s is always a part of their visit. I was able to tell them about my recent visit to Camden, NJ and to Philly across the river, where I connected to two unusual communities: Camden House and the Simple Way.

Schwartz est un bon souvenir de Montréal et à chaque fois que je retourne dans ma ville préférée je vais vite y faire un tour. Je suis français et faisais un tour en bus de la Nouvelle Angleterre, puis j’ai continué vers l’Ontario et le Québec. Ma première visite remonte donc en 1995, arrivé de Toronto en bus, j’étais allé à l’auberge de jeunesse au Centre (rue McKay) mais elle était complète. Heureusement à l’accueil on
m’a trouvé une place au Collège français sur le Plateau. Arrivé là, on m’a tout de suite dit de descendre le boulevard Saint Laurent pour sentir Montréal et son fameux flair.

Un atroupement se trouvait devant Schwartz, j’ai donc décidé de repasser quand la file serait moins longue… il y a toujours du monde alors je me suis résigné et mmm quel délice le SMOKED MEAT. 1995, 2000 et 2005… Une boite d’épices à steak et un mug se Schwartz occupe une grande place dans ma cuisine et mes souvenirs.

- Sylvain

The film Chez Schwartz starts March 2nd in Montreal at the AMC Forum and the Excentris. Take a look at the trailer below. C’est un très bon film! I recommend seeing it at the Excentris and then walking a few blocks north to Schwartz’s to have a smoked meat afterwards. There’s a warning with the film: Don’t watch it on an empty stomach!

Bonjour, mon nom est Billy Smokemeat et voici une petite Swchartz story pour toi.

Les souvenirs sont comme le vent sur les voiles de notre mémoire, ils sont furtifs, parfois ils soufflent pour nous inspirer transportant avec eux les bons moments du passé. Mais quel est donc le rapport avec le smokemeat ? Eh bien il s’agit de ma toute première visite chez Schwartz ! Étant assez jeune à l’époque, les souvenirs de ce lunch sont désormais remplis d’un quelque chose de nostalgique. Ce n’était pas ma Bar Mitza mais tout comme.

Il y a de cela 35 ans environ, je devais avoir 13 ou 14 ans, mon père avait un petit voilier, nous l’avions baptisé Don Quichotte. L’automne, nous devions le remisé pour l’hiver. Le souvenir que j’en ai est que nous sommes partis de notre quai au Lac des Deux-Montagnes pour voguer vers le Lac St-Louis, là ou se trouvait la marina pour l’entreposage. C’était en septembre, il faisait froid sur l’eau et un ami de mon père nous accompagnaient, je pense qu’il avait son propre voilier et que nous naviguions côte à côte.

Bref, après cette journée de voile bien remplis, l’ami de mon père suggéra que nous allions terminer tout ça chez Schwartz. Je n’avait aucune idée de ce dont il s’agissait mais le fait d’être là, avec eux, important comme un homme, était déjà beaucoup. Toujours est-il que nous nous sommes retrouvés, assis tous les trois, au centre de l’univers de la viande fumée hébraique. Imaginez, après une journée fait d’eau, d’espace, de lumière et de vent, je me retrouve tard le soir rue St-Laurent, dans la cohues des chaises de bois bruyantes d’un petit restaurant bondé de mangeurs hétéroclites et affamées.

Tout près de nous, un serveur arrive précipitament et ouvre un grand couvercle de métal pour laisser tomber une grosse pièce de viande congelé comme du roc. C’était un de ces fameux steak de foie, qui après avoir rebondie sur la grille brûlante laissa entendre un soupir de vapeurs comme lorsqu’on jette de l’eau sur le feu. Sans trop faire attention notre cuistot retourna les autres pièces de viande provoquant ainsi des flammes qui n’ont pas manqué de m’impressionné. Enfin, d’un geste brusque il referma le grand couvercle et disparu derrière les portes battantes de la cuisine. Un de ses collègues, tout aussi sympatique, arrive à notre table après sa course à obstacles et d’un air expéditif il attend la commande.

Et nous avons mangé. Je me souviens de ce premier smokemeat, je n’avais jamais vu un tel sandwich auparavant, avec les deux tranches de pains du dessus à la verticale tellement il y avait de la viande. Et de ce gigantesque pickle esseulé dans son assiette, face à face avec son destin, sans oublier les frites, le ketchup et le coke. Pendant le repas, on m’a expliqué pourquoi ce restaurant était si important. En fait, pour n’importe qui, je pense qu’il faut toujours quelques explications !.. Voilà l’essentiel de mes souvenirs de ma première visite chez Schwartz, le reste s’est essoufflé comme le vent sur les voiles de ma mémoire.

Billy Smokemeat

When you see the movie you’ll remember Alex
He was the busboy who moved up to waiter status
He also writes poetry about Schwartz’s

I got up my nerve to talk to him about it
I would like to feature some of his poetry on this website
He agreed to think about it
Afraid of copyright stealing

I think he could sacrifice one of them
in order to let more people know about his potential

I think it could be a book
If he has enough of them